It’s confronting to hear the word NO. But at the same time, what type of NO did you get? There are several different types.
With so many variations, you shouldn’t think of NO as a single negative response.
There are many legitimate reasons for saying NO.
The other party is in a different situation that you.
They may simply be in a different mindset than yours.
Perhaps there are timing issues. Internal conversations to be had. Someone may be pretending to be the decision maker and can’t legally say yes or no.
To manage this conversation, you should consider all options as well as potential responses to the different types. This is even more important if you’re in a conflict or negotiation.
If you’re better prepared, you’ll be less stressed. You’ll also feel more in control.
Given the length of this post, here are links to the seven different types of NO.
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1. No, as in 'No, not now'
You’ll get this type of NO when you’ve approached the person at the wrong time.
They’re too busy with immediate priorities to give you their full attention. And, they aren’t thinking long-term.
Accept you’ve come at the wrong time and apologise. Ask if and/or when might be a better time to return.
Some things to consider if you can squeeze in an extra moment without being pushy:
Ask if there’s anything useful they might like before the next conversation, such as:
- More information or background
- A comparison between what they use or do now vs. what you’re offering
- Differences in budget or other resources
- Relevant testimonials or expert opinions
Enquire if there’s a preferred format. Some people like a one-pager to read, others like visuals like charts of graphics. Is there a website to go to in advance?
Ask what’s the best way to reschedule. Directly by phone? By email? Through an assistant?
Thank them and leave pronto.
Most of all, follow-up exactly as agreed. At the very least, it shows you listened.
2. No, as in 'No, maybe later'
You’ll get this type of NO if they may be open to hearing more in the future.
It’s similar to #1 but also with an important difference.
You’ve approached at the wrong time, but they’ve also given you a tacit signal (‘maybe’) they’re open to hearing more in the future. Take this as a glimmer of possibility. (They could have just given you a flat no.)
The ‘maybe’ part often means there are inner workings which need to happen before the next conversation.
For example:
- The current situation is OK for the moment. But, they quietly recognise they won’t remain happy with the current situation for much longer.
- Perhaps they don’t know your solution, and it isn’t part of their current consideration or budget.
- There are other aspects ‘behind the scenes’ that need more thought. Internal conversations. Additional approvals. Risk management.
- Your questions and/or solution might be part of a larger, more complex problem internally. However, they won’t or can’t share that with you. Internal politics is one example.
- They need to involve or debate the problem with other people or departments.
- Approval is necessary to talk to anyone about a potential change.
Follow the guidelines in #1. But spend a bit more time – again, without being pushy – to see if there’s anything that might be helpful to provide in advance.
Also, are you talking to the decision maker?
It’s often hard to tell on first approach, but it’s possible you aren’t talking to the real decision maker at this point.
That said, this person could be someone who has the potential to lead or shape a more productive conversation in the future.
In addition to using the thoughts above, consider other points or perspectives:
- Ask how decisions are made, such as criteria, standards or internal polices.
- Enquire who else may need to be involved. (Ideally, can you get specific names or titles?)
- Ask what information would be helpful to support a change.
- How could you help them sell your idea internally to others, especially if you aren’t there to help in person.
- Offer to provide relevant information that might help them make a better decision, especially if that decision is not your solution.
This last point is important. Many times in the past, a potential client has asked me for both the benefits and disadvantages of my offering. There’s something trustworthy about a person being open and honest with their own solution.
At the same time, I’d suggest adding a bonus. Not only give this person a precise list of the benefits and disadvantages of your own solution, but provide the same with your competition. I’ve even been so bold to give a prospective client specific questions they should ask my competition, if for no other reason than to ensure this prospect is getting the most accurate apples-to-apples comparison so they make the best decision.
Some other points to add here:
- See if you can be part of those internal conversations. It doesn’t need to be a formal presentation. I’ve had useful conversations informally at a coffee shop. I’ve offered to take someone to lunch at my expense, no strings attached.
- Ask how or when it’d be appropriate to re-connect.
- In some situations, the other party may not want you to follow-up, but at least offer the most efficient way to reconnect with you, such as leaving a business card (real or digital), or share relevant links (company websites, social media).
No potential client should ever have to struggle to find you again.
3. No, as in 'No, not from you'
This is the variation of NO you’ll receive when you are the problem, not your solution nor alternative.
First, it’s important to remember do not to take the NO personally … unless you’ve done something specific to damage your reputation. That’s a different problem to manage.
There are plenty of reasons why you aren’t the right person.
- They don’t know you or your organisation.
- They know your organisation, but not you.
- They don’t know what happened to the last person from your organisation who contacted them.
- They have a preferred vendor or sales person with an existing personal connection.
- In terms of your personality, you simply could be too _______. Fill in the blank: young, old, arrogant, brash, new, different, etc.
Some things to consider:
Ask why, if you don’t think it too confrontational. Or at least try to make it humourous so you look like you aren’t taking it personnaly.
Ask who (or what level) would be preferable?
- To understand their perspective of ‘who,’ I’d stick to things that you might have or be someday, such as a more prominent title, a level of hierarchy, years of experience, number of testimonials. Steer the conversation away from aspects you’re not interested in changing, such as your religion or sex.
Don’t look territorial when there’s a chance you could ‘win.’ I’ve learnt over the years that I am not the person for everyone, so I always have a back-up person to suggest.
Leaders – or merely good people – pass along good opportunities to others.
4. No, as in "No, I don't see it"
This is the NO you’ll receive when the other party doesn’t have context or relevant proof.
You haven’t proven the advantages or benefits of your solution or offering, particularly in comparison with the benefits of their current solution.
To address this, you need to understand what preference, decision or solution they use now. It may also be necessary to ask how likely would they change their opinion if they were given the right information.
Never forget: You cannot change a person’s mind if you don’t know what they think now.
Some things to consider:
It’s one of the Golden Rules of Sales: People don’t like to be sold, they like to buy. Know what the other party needs, not how the solution only benefits you. To do that, you need the next point.
Never go into any meeting and not have your questions thought out in advance. Why? So you can listen better. Most people ask a question and then stop listening half-way through the answer so they can think of the next question. People can tell when you’re not actively listening.
Closed questions are good at the start of a conversation to get common understanding, but ask open-ended questions to get more information and perspective. If you didn’t realise it, notice how open questions give you better insight.
- Closed Question: What is your biggest issue now?
- Open Question: Why is that your biggest problem now?
5. No, as in "No, I don't believe you"
Arguably, this response can be the most difficult type of NO to address.
The most important aspect is to understand their belief system, particularly knowing what their beliefs are based on.
Some NO beliefs are based on one’s known facts, which are likely to be assumptions. These beliefs might be changed when you provide reasonable facts from a source credible to them (not credible to you).
Some NO responses may be justified because/if the other party doesn’t trust you.
- They might think you have an agenda (you aren’t being transparent, for example).
- You have a different perspective (you prefer Brand A because that’s what you’re selling, where they prefer Brand B).
- There’s a contradictory dual perspective, which means you’re automatically wrong because you’re the ‘other side.’ (For ex: Liberal vs Labour, Conservative vs Labour, Republican vs Democrat).
Finally, other NO responses are based on deeply personal beliefs, such as values based on religion, spirituality or philsophy.
In these examples, you need to consider whether the person’s belief or opinion is hard-set. Will any information change their mind? If not, you need to ask yourself if this fight is worth the effort because the change may be downright glacial.
At the end of the day, the best place to start is to ask if the person is open to changing their mind. If they are, you might also determine from them who might be the most appropriate source of additional information.
6. No, as in 'No, definitely NO
You’ll get this type of NO when their decision is absolute.
As far as they’re concerned, the conversation is over. The worst thing you could do is keep talking.
On the plus side, the definitive NO is a good thing because it means you don’t have to waste any more time with this person and you can move on to other real opportunities.
But, as a final point, and it’s covered in the final paragraph for all of these responses, you should find out the answer to Why?
7. The Generic No
This final is an odd NO, because it’s a knee-jerk response when they aren’t sure what else to do.
It’s likely you’ve caught the person when they’re emotional – not necessarily being weepy or yelling – more akin to they aren’t using rational thinking the moment you cross paths with them.
Their emotions could range from:
- Confusion (Who are you? How did you get to me?)
- Distraction, if not a closed mindset (Sorry what did you say?)
- Embarrassment (Oh geez, did I forget to read an email?)
- Annoynace/Anger (Can’t you see from my face I’m too damn busy?)
- Fear of losing face (Just keeping smiling and maybe they’ll leave)
… plus many other examples.
First: you’ll never have a good conversation when the other party is thinking emotionally.
In my personal experience, I take the blame. It’s me, not you. I’ll laugh at myself or make a simple joke using myself as the punchline, or at a minimum, apologise for approaching at the wrong time. And, I’ll postpone any further conversation until they choose the next time to talk, if they want to talk.
I postpone any further conversation until they choose the next time to talk, if they want to talk.
Again, if I have a moment to exchange more information, I try to cover these basic areas.
- Common Ground – I want us to start off on the same page
- Relevant background – If they’ve never met me, I’ll give a one-sentence preview, especially if there’s some connection between us.
If we know each other, I’ll focus instead on other aspects, such as …
- Purpose – Why I’m talking (be as concise as possible because no one wants a lot of information when they’ve been surprised or are emotional)
- Action – Here’s what I’m hoping they’ll do (as a minimum, give me a minutes next time, or to consider my suggestion)
- Timing – Ask when the best time might be to reconvene
(You can thank Aristotle for these points by the way.)
And finally, why did you get a NO?
In addition to understanding the different types of NO and what makes them different, sometimes you also need to understand the WHY behind the NO.
First and foremost, be judicious about how far you press after someone has said NO.
If you have rapport or trust, you may get some critical advice. You might say: “I accept your NO, but at the same time, it would be helpful to know WHY. I not only want to understand your point-of-view, but I won’t bother you in the future for the wrong reason.”
Or a variation: “I accept the no. Sometime when you have a moment – not right now because you’re busy – I’d like to know why because I value your opinion.”
Of course, any request of WHY should be 100% sincere.
By the way … sometimes even NO isn’t the final action step. I’ve written a complementary article: What To Do If They Say No.
What different types of NO have you dealt with? What you have done?
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