Conflict is one of the most natural – if not daily – aspects of our lives. For many, it’s difficult to recognise, address and solve, but one way to help manage it most effectively is to understand the type of conflict you may be facing.
Two Considerations of Conflict
When you think about it, the majority of our day might be managing conflict since much of what we want in a normal day is overseen or ‘controlled’ by someone else.
To find positive strategies to address the conflict, I’ve found two aspects are helpful to consider.
First, conflict unfolds in sequence, or as Louis Pondy referred to them, episodes or stages. Which stage may you be in, and what could/should be your next step?
Second, conflict typically falls into one of seven types. And by ‘types’ I mean, where does the conflict originate? What caused it? What’s behind it? By realising which type – often about the background of the conflict, situation or individual parties – you may find helpful clues or strategies to manage it.
Here are seven broad categories in alphabetical order, and two questions to ask yourself.
Which type of conflict are you dealing with?
Perhaps more likely, how many of your conflicts are actually different types together?
Seven Types of Conflict
Cultural
Disagreements between communities or society, sometimes involving stereotypes or bias. Cultural can be divided into two broad areas: geographical (Australian, German, Singaporean) and organisational (McDonald’s vs. Ford vs. Apple).
Emotional
Differences of feelings, emotions or perspective.
Financial
Many assume this type is simply about money, but it also frequently involves more subjective areas such as value or worth.
Personal
Opposing personalities or relationships, often reflected by different behavioural or communication styles. Issues involving generations, age or genders – even something as subjective as taste – would fall into this type.
Political
Problems focused on who or what has power.
Procedural
Differences between how to do or consider something, including what needs to be done, how tasks should be completed, or even how something (a company, department or team) should be organised or structured. Increasingly, conflicts involving technology fall into this type.
Spiritual
Conflicts between beliefs – which may or may not include religion. Some spiritual conflict may between your own two differing beliefs.
Strategies to Deal with Conflict
This is a random list of potential strategies. They do not fit every situation. I’ve provided them here solely for discussion, if not as a springboard to your own thoughts and creativity.
Please feel free to add your thoughts and comments below.
Some conflict resolution skills and techniques require either more information or training. For example, any of these topics could become a workshop for team members: Empathy, emotional intelligence, teamwork, active listening, collaborative problem-solving, questioning, negotiation skills.
Set and manage expectations from the beginning.
Determine criteria for judging and interpreting facts.
Separate facts from emotions, assumptions and expectations.
Resist defending your position. Learn to ask open-ended questions.
Look for common ground, such as long-term goals, shared concerns.
Ask yourself: Is any part of their position true?
Asking for help from a trusted colleague as a coach or mediator is not a weakness. Choose the right person together.
Conflict over values is likely to be one of the most difficult to resolve as they are the foundation of our core beliefs. One question that should be considered: Is standing by a single value also rejecting potential solutions that offer merit to the common good? Or, are there any shared values to start from a more universal agreement?
Isolate the conflict from other issues. Prioritise multiple issues than address them as one mass.
Sometimes you are the not the best person to address a conflict. Position, stature, politics are important to some people. Find an ally to speak to on your behalf.
Learn to pick and choose battles. Not everything needs to be treated as a forest fire.
Squash the urge to make decisions based solely on emotions. As Nana Eklund loved to say: Don’t make a permanent decision about a temporary situation.
Find moments to tell the other party when they are right. Acknowledge too when you are wrong. And, don’t keep a score sheet.
Remember that recognition and acknowledgment of the other’s situation and position are good place to start. In some cases, the other party may simply need to be heard, or to vent.
Sometimes it’s helpful to start with an organisation’s values as a benchmark. When dealing between different values, find where certain values are in alignment vs. when they are not.
Recognise when you’ve learnt something. If you don’t know you know something, it’s difficult to use it again wisely a second time.
If you don’t have an answer to a reasonable question, you are not prepared. In fact, you’ve very likely chipped away at your reputation.
Learn the signs of when you don’t know something. (A word you’ve never heard before, you don’t know what something means, any ‘gut reaction’ that doesn’t feel right.)
Allow everyone to speak without reprisal.
Some conflict resolution is simply “agreeing to disagree” – when appropriate, of course.
Be careful of the words you choose as well as how you say the words. (Verbal vs. non-verbal skills.) In some situations, you may want to think about what you need to say in advance. Always consider too the consequence of saying it. You should not be surprised or not have a suitable response when someone doesn’t like what they hear.
You can choose to be a dictator and demand closure to a conflict. Don’t be surprised or careless about the resulting reactions.
Compromising is not a weakness when both parties receive and give away something of equal value. The key is not to realise afterwards that you went for speed over content.
Nothing beats proper preparation.
One of the simplest methods of balance between two simple opposing views is a Pros & Cons list. For more complex situations, scenario planning or post-decision role plays can help determine whether an agreement may be acceptable to both parties.
Sometimes parties become blinded by their own thoughts, opinions or perspectives. Find a good person to be a sounding board so you don’t find you’re talking primarily to yourself and not the other party. A good sounding board should also be able to provide alternative solution, if not stretch your thinking in new ways.
In the end, some issues and conflict are not worth discussing, much less debating. Realise in some cases that walking away is the best outcome. At the same time, never make that decision quickly.
As an interesting link, you might also check out the Thomas-Kilmann Conflict Mode Instrument, one of the most popular and well-known conflict assessments. Read more here.
Any other strategies come to mind when dealing with different types of conflict? Feel free to add your thoughts and opinions below.
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